Zen Sarcasm
Contributed by: John Rosseel
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just
pretty much leave me the hell alone.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal
your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and
you have their shoes.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
- If you always tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half
and put it back in your pocket.
- Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark
side, and it holds the universe together.
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips
are moving.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
- Eschew obfuscation.
Attribution unknown, except #20 which is among my favourite cheeky bumper sticker sayings of all time.
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